The H.P. Sauce – a wizarding mystery!

Welcome to Story Quest, a weekly podcast where we bring your stories to life!

In this episode we bring Isabella’s story, The H.P Sauce – a wizarding mystery – to life.

If you have a story idea, you could be like Isabella and have it turned into a Story Quest. All you have to do is send us your story idea here. We know you have the best imaginations and together we can create the most brilliant stories!

That’s just what Isabella did. You can listen to the story they suggested come to life below, plus they tell us all about the inspiration behind the story at the end.

Listen out for brand new Story Quest episodes every Thursday!

You can read along to The H.P. Sauce below!

THE H.P SAUCE 
 
“SUSPECT NUMBER 1. Golbins”. Said Henry Potts, twirling his magic wand in the candlelit gloom of his school dormitory.  
“I don’t think Goblins are going to have stolen your hat” said Grubbles, who was sat on a bed chewing his magic wand. “ Yes they could because they are the worst of all the magical creatures” said Henry indignantly.  “SUSPECT NUMBER 2. Magicians!” continued Henry Potts. Henry Potts also hated Magicians. It was his view that wizards could use real magic, whereas Magicians, were just big fakers.  

“What is your problem with Magicians?” sighed Grubbles, still chewing. “I actually saw Magnifico the Magician, and was very impressed by his showmanship and the spectacle.”  

<KAZAM> 

Grubbles’ head had turned into a cabbage. Not because his comment had annoyed Henry Potts, but because Grubbles had chewed a little too vigorously on his wand.  
“Of course you were impressed, you cabbage headed plonker.” snapped Henry Potts as his friend’s big cabbage face looked sad.  

“SUSPECT NUMBER 3. Sassy Grandma Winterbottom. Sassy Grandma Winterbottom was a rather fabulous old hag that haunted the halls of Henry Potts’ school. She loved fabulous things, and Henry Potts’ magic hat was particularly fabulous. The hat was Bright purple with gold stars and suns with smiley faces, and a little gold bell that perfectly chimed a song called Bad Blood (Taylor’s version)  

“You might be onto something with Sassy Grandma Winterbottom, you know” said Grubbles as he started to eat his own head.  

“Of course I am” Yelled Henry as he leapt to his feet, wand twirling. “Because I am Henry Potts. The best Wizard who ever lived! Who also has, the H.P. Sauce” and he began shaking his bottom as he always did when he mentioned his HP Sauce.  

Grubbles groaned and covered his eyes with his cabbage leaves.  

The door to the dormitory burst open. It was Pie boy. On the first day of school he ate all the pumpkin pies and Henry had called him pie boy ever since. He had a big round face like a pie and arms and legs like little twigs.  

“Henry! I’ve found Goblo Grizzleclaw lurking around the grounds. I’ve used a binding charm and tied him to a tree! I think he knows where your hat is!”  

“GREAT work pie boy” said Henry pumping his fist in triumph. 

“Henry, if I’ve helped you find your hat, would you consider using my real name, Nathan?” asked Pie Boy tentatively. 

“NEVER!” shouted Henry, he popped open his trunk and pulled out a vacuum cleaner, which was the modern method of transportation for wizards. “Grubbles, Pie boy, saddle up!” commanded Henry, as the three boys climbed onto the vacuum cleaner.  

Openus La Windowus yelled Henry, as the windows flew open, and the vacuum zoomed into the cool evening air.  

The vacuum cleaner landed in the school grounds with a thud. “Off you pop plop for brains” yelled Henry at Grubbles and Pie Boy. He span around, “Well well well what do we have here,” said Henry to Goblo, who was quite calm and patient for a goblin bound to a tree. “I bet you dirty goblins have stolen my hat,” he said, poking Goblo on the nose with his wand.  

“No no on the contrary Mr. Potts”, hissed Goblo, “I actually have important information for you”  

“Well don’t hang about you big green bozo” said Henry “Or I’ll turn you into something ugly… LIKE YOURSELF! HA!” Henry turned around at Grubbles and Pie Boy who weren’t laughing because that joke was rubbish. They gave a nervous chuckle. Goblo continued…   

“I was looking for gold coins in the gnarly forest” said Goblo, “I was hunting outside Magnifico the Magician’s shack.. And inside I could hear… Badd Blood. Taylor’s version, as if it were being played by perfect bell chimes…” Henry clapped his hands together. “YES! THAT’S WHAT MY HAT DOES!” he did a fist pumping mini dance and shook his bottom vigorously. “Pie boy, Grubbles! To the Gnarly forest we must go!”  

“May I ask why that boy’s head is a cabbage?” asked Goblo 

“You. May. Not.” said Henry jabbing Goblo on the nose with his wand. “In fact, Grubbles you stand guard and make sure this foul goblin doesn’t run away somewhere. If he’s sent me on a wild goose chase then I would quite like to put terrible curses on him.” Grubbles reluctantly nodded, as Henry and Pie Boy climbed aboard the vacuum cleaner and zoomed into the gnarly forest.  

They set the vacuum down outside Magnifico the magician’s shack. The thick oak trees hung leafless and spooky over the jonky thatched wooden house. Most wizards would have the courtesy to knock on Magnifico’s door, but not Henry Potts who booted the door open with his full might, sending the door flying off its hinges. Magnifico, gave a high shriek, and his little cocker spaniel Gary yelped in fear.  Magnifico was a very old man, with a brilliant white moustache. His magician’s garb was faded and aged, as he couldn’t afford anything new. The old man looked sadly at his destroyed front door.   

“It’s ok Magnifico,” said Henry with a grin “you can just use a repairing spell on that door… Oh no wait, you can’t because you’re just a magician! And you can’t do REAL magic!” Henry laughed heartily at his own joke 

“Please Mr. Potts, I beg of you to repair my door. I have no money to buy a new one, plus who knows what beasts from the Gnarly forest may come for me!” the magician dropped to his knees. “Please, I beg, don’t let me get eaten by a three headed hippocorn, they say one roams this forest, the fiercest beast in the land..!” 

“I’ll repair your door, Magnifico… IF you can give me the info that I need about my missing hat!” said Henry, brandishing his wand. Pie Boy went to comfort Gary the Dog, stroking it nicely as the spaniel trembled uncontrollably.  

“OK OK, I’ll tell you what I know!” said Magnifico his eyes darting…  “It was Sassy Grandma Winterbottom, she floated by here, just this morning, she was boasting about a new hat she’d found. It was purple, with gold suns and stars! And a bell, that played such beautiful music.” Henry’s teeth clenched. That horrible old crone! She didn’t FIND the hat! She STOLE IT! 

“Where did she go with it!” demanded Henry. His wand pointing at Magnifico’s head  

“I… I…” stammered Magnifico  
Blastus Thy Plates-us yelled Henry, firing a red jet of light into Magnfico’s washing up pile. 
“Not my plates!” yelled Magnifico “How can I eat? Ok ok. I’ll talk! Sassy Grandma Winterbottom spoke of the Temple of Serve. It’s where only the sassiest and most fabulous magical folk can enter… I’m sure as the true owner of such a wonderful hat, you will be granted passage, young Potts. It’s just a little deeper into the Gnarly forest” 

“Oh I’ll be granted entry all right” said Henry. “Do you know why that is? Because I have the HP Sauce” Henry immediately started shaking his bottom again.  

Once the bottom shaking was over. Henry, Pie Boy, Magnifico and Gary the dog, ventured deeper into the forest. “Lead the way Magnifico” said Henry threateningly. “Or Gary the dog might end up getting a bit cursed. HA!” Magnifco gulped.  They approached a stone building that didn’t look anything like a fabulous temple.  

“Just in here,” said Magnifico. Henry looked unsure. This building certainly did not look fabulous. 

The stone building was dark and dank. Turnus on the lightus said Henry as his wand glowed. The building seemed empty. Grotesque statues were spookily lit around the room, and in the centre was a staircase, leading downwards… but what could Henry hear…  A faint sound could be heard… Henry recognised it in a second. It was Badd Blood (Taylor’s version) “MY HAT!” he exclaimed and bolted down the stairs two at a time. The chimes grew louder and louder, and just as they were reaching the chorus, Henry made it to the bottom of the stairs, where a hunched figure stood in the centre of a large room, with high ceilings.   

“Ohhh helloooo young Henry” said a nasally high old voice that echoed around the room. It was Sassy Grandma Winterbottom. To Henry’s disgust and horror. She was wearing his fabulous purple hat. The chimes of Bad Blood (Taylor’s version) was echoing around the large basement. Everything about Sassy Grandma Winterbottom looked grand. She had a bright scarlet dress, arms covered in twinkling bangles and bracelets. Her head looked a bit like a raisin with hair that looked like clumsily glued clumps of cotton wool, and sat upon her crinkly old head was Henry’s bright purple hat.  

“Give me back my hat you disgusting old crone” yelled Henry pointing his wand at Sassy Grandma Winterbottom  
“You wouldn’t hurt a poor old lady would you?” sneered Winterbottom.  
“Do you wanna test me?!” shouted Henry “I am so good at curses I’ll turn you into something ugly… LIKE YOURSELF! HA!” he turned around. Magnifico, Pie Face and Gary the Dog had followed him down the stairs, and weren’t laughing, because as we’ve established, it’s a rubbish joke and it’s the second time Pie Face had heard it that day.  

“If you want this hat so badly…” said Winterbottom, “THEN GO AND GET IT!” and she tossed the hat deep into the gloom of the basement 
“My hat!” wailed Henry as he chased it into the gloom. The wrinkly old witch had quite an arm on her! He managed to reach the hat and pulled it close to his chest… but something strange was happening. The sound of Bad Blood was being replaced. Replaced with deep unsettling growls. Growls that echoed louder and louder around the room. Henry squinted into the darkness… Lightus Maximus he yelled, and the room became full of light. What Henry saw made his jaw drop. His eyes became wide. Looming over him, were six gleaming eyes. Three gaping mouths, and three razor sharp shiny horns. It was the Three headed hippocorn. Each of the heads ROARED at Henry. Henry shrieked in terror, turned and ran. He was sprinting as fast as he could towards the staircase, clutching his hat tightly to his chest. Until something extraordinary happened.   
 
Invisibleus Wallus said a boy with a cabbage for a head.  

An invisible force crashed into Henry and he was thrown to the ground. He tried to get up, but a solid transparent barrier stood between him and the staircase. He looked through the invisible wall to see… Grubbles. Goblo the goblin. Pie Boy. Magnifico, Gary the Dog and Sassy Grandma Winterbottom, looking sternly.  
“Help me!” pleaded Henry.  

“I don’t think so” said Sassy Grandma Winterbottom. “You see, Henry. We’ve all had enough of you being a rude, mean, detestable little wizard. Calling people names, putting curses on people”  

“Kicking down people’s doors!” added Magnifico 

“And that too…” said Sassy Grandma Winterbottom “You see it wasn’t me who stole your hat, Henry. It was all of us. We all worked together to bring you here, to meet our friend, who is very very hungry” 

Henry was desperately trying to search for insults, for curses. 

“You little…” began Henry but before he could finish that sentence he’d been snapped up by the middle head of the Hippocorn. And with three chomps, Henry’s yells and the sound of Bad Blood Taylor’s version were no more. The room was silent other than the satisfied gurgling of the three headed hippocorn, which also soon subsided.   

“Tell you what could have made that meal better” said Grubbles… “Some HP Sauce!”  and the wizards, magicians, goblins and dogs all laughed and shook their bottoms together happily.